You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
If its not for food we ain't going out.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize