when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
