Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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