i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
They are going to name an STD after you.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
