question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize