You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
