is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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