he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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