Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
third nipple confirmed
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize