i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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