Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
