Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
