At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
