There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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