I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
