What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
