all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
