So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It's official drugs can't kill me
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
