this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
My vagina just recognized that song.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize