If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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