i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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