It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize