Whod you bang
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
