Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
