Got a toothbrush?
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
she woke up with a sticky ear
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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