So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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