yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Randomize