I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
