They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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