yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
