I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
