Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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