Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize