he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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