did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
