Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
