I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
