oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
