It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
