I think I won the penis lottery.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
