i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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