Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
