It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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