and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize