What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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