hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
