Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize