The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
