is your mom at the bar?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
