Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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