ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize