): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
