At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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