she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
not ubering you a puppy
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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