life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
