So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
