dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
