I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
