Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
