??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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