I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
