I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
