Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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