the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
