Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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