Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
