Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
