are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
