My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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