Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
