But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
